This is Anna.
At the age of 3, all Anna wanted to be was one thing. She'd sit in the back seat of our car, light brown hair spiraling every which direction off of her head, her soft pink cheeks framing her baby tooth smile and she would say, with her childlike lisp: "I wanna be a FIGHTER pilot!"
She had no idea what fighter pilots did. She had never been on an airplane in 1993. She had probably never even seen one up close. But she did know that her grandfather had driven airplanes. She knew that they went fast. She knew that she could see them in the sky from the ground. She also knew they made a whole lotta noise. So now I ask: what child wouldn't want to be a fighter pilot?
I got a little frustrated today with our Dundes discussion, so I distracted myself for writing out my schedule for the day. Why did I get frustrated? Because I agree with him. We are a futuristic society and let's face it, even when we ask our friends what they've been doing the past few days or weeks or months or years of their life (because yes, if they are our friends, we really do want to know), the next question is what they will do next.
I'm not saying this is an all together bad thing. It's good to have goals, but it is also more than... it's more than beneficial to know where we are coming from, to know where our friends and family are coming from, and to know where society as a whole is coming from. Maybe this is because I am a history major- I love the past, not for its facts, but because it strings everything together. It makes things both logical and touching. It meshes so many aspects of society, of personalities, into a whole. Even within a single person, we will never understand anything until we understand their past, until we understand their motives.
This is why being a futuristic society can be detrimental. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we can do, what we will do, and what we think we have to do. Sometimes it's not enough to just live our lives. We want to know everything that is going to happen to us. But if we did know everything (which is impossible), there would be nothing left to know. Then what would the future hold for us? Nothing. Because we would always know everything. And what would the past hold for us? A chance for understanding. And what would the future hold? Everything. Knowing facts and details are not enough- what matters is the nitty gritty. What matters are the passions people hold, the factors that influence their decisions, and how they evolve as person. Without personal attributes and emotions, the future would hold nothing. Because even though people want to believe they can hold the answers to life's mysteries, they really cannot.
I do not believe it is healthy for anyone to dwell too much on what could have been or what might be. I respect my friends who say "I don't know what I want to do" when asked about their plans after graduation. Because I don't either. Most of us don't. Most of us make decisions because it's what society tells us to do, reflecting on the past, the future, or both-- maybe we believe we'll make bank as a businessman, or maybe our grandfather was a lawyer. When we make our decisions based on this kind of material, we are destined for unhappiness. Everyone in the world needs to decide what they are passionate about, and they don't need to be embarrassed by it.
Everyone evolves, everyone changes. Some situations turn us into better people, and some people stay with us the rest of our lives. Sometimes we pass up the opportunities that will change us from mediocre to great because we are so focused on the future or the past that we can't see what is right in front of us. So, what do I want to be when I grow up? I want to change that question to "What do I want to do with my life?" I want to live it. I want to know the people I know- really know them. I want to understand their history and be part of their future. I never want to give up art, but I want to go as far as I can in the academic world. I want to raise a family. I want to be happy. But all of this- all of this starts with today because I will never have this moment again. It is my life and I am living it. L-I-V-I-N.
